Strong Simple Bonds
- Kayla Falgout
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
A Mother's Firsthand Experience with Filial Play Therapy
a blog by Kaylay Falgout, LPC
To protect this family's privacy, I've changed identifying details and combined a few experiences. The heart of their story, and this mother's words, remain exactly the same.
I first connected with this mom over the phone. During our conversation, I could hear her son screaming in the background, trying to get her attention. She calmly redirected him several times while we talked, and I instantly got a glimpse into their dynamic.
Relatable, right?
She described challenges at school that were also showing up at home: poor impulse control, endless energy, pushing limits, difficulty with boundaries, struggles with self-regulation, and intense attention-seeking behaviors around other children.
But she also described a little boy who was strong-willed, determined, brave, innovative, and deeply eager for connection. Another parent once lovingly described this type of child as a "future CEO."
I smiled because I often tell parents that our children's greatest strengths can also become their greatest challenges.
She originally reached out looking for play therapy for her son, but she also wanted support for herself. She wanted guidance, resources, and someone to help her make sense of what she was experiencing. She wanted to be involved every step of the way.
I told her there were two paths we could take.
The first was traditional child-centered play therapy. I would meet with her son each week while checking in with her monthly, sharing what I was seeing and helping her carry those ideas into everyday life.
The second was filial play therapy.
I often describe filial play therapy as family therapy meets play therapy.
Instead of me becoming the primary therapeutic relationship in her son's life, my role would be to teach her the skills to become that healing relationship at home.
She didn't hesitate.
Summer was about to begin, and she knew she'd have the time and emotional space to fully commit.
I had a feeling this was going to be a really enlightening journey.
Our Work Together
Over the next several weeks, we settled into a rhythm.
One session, I'd observe her and her son together. I wasn't looking for "good" or "bad" parenting. I was simply watching their dance - how they communicated, where they connected naturally, and where they both got stuck.
Later that week, she'd come in by herself.
We'd talk about the meltdowns that happened at home, celebrate the small wins, laugh about the things that didn't go as planned, and learn one new child-centered skill she could begin practicing immediately.
Then she'd practice that skill with her son while I coached from the sidelines.
Sometimes I'd model a response. Sometimes I'd simply observe and offer feedback afterward. Every week she became a little more confident, a little more attuned to her son, and a little less afraid of getting it wrong.
Each lesson built on the one before it. We weren't trying to transform everything overnight. We were building a relationship.
For families who can't attend twice a week, we simply slow the pace. Instead of completing the program in about 10 weeks, we spread it over 20 by alternating parent-only sessions with parent-child sessions. The destination stays the same. We just take a different route to get there.
Early on, she shared something I hear from parents all the time.
"There is so much parenting advice out there that I don't know what's right anymore."
One expert said to give more choices. Another emphasized stricter discipline.
Someone else insisted on consequences. Someone else said consequences damage attachment. She felt like she was trying everything and succeeding at nothing.
As we talked, I realized the problem wasn't that she wasn't trying hard enough.
The problem was that no one had ever helped her understand what was developmentally appropriate for her child. Expecting a four-year-old to consistently understand accountability? Probably unrealistic. Expecting a thirteen-year-old to begin understanding accountability? Much more likely.
Once we stopped chasing generic parenting advice and started paying attention to her child, everything became simpler. Together, we figured out what actually worked for him. Then she practiced doing those things consistently.
One of my favorite parts of this work is helping parents see what they're already doing well. She wasn't failing. She was overwhelmed. She had been handed a thousand conflicting messages and was desperately trying to piece them together. As her confidence grew, consistency became easier.
She also discovered something unexpected. As she learned the "why" behind these approaches, she found the language to explain them to her partner. Instead of guessing together, they began parenting from the same playbook. That consistency changed the atmosphere in their home. One of my favorite parts of filial work is that parents get to see me be human.
There were moments when I struggled to set a limit with her son. There were days I admitted I was tired and not quite as sharp as usual. I think those moments mattered just as much as the polished ones. They gave her permission to stop chasing perfection.
Instead, we focused on consistency. On repair. On showing up again tomorrow.
That made all the difference.
When our work together came to an end, I asked if she'd be willing to share a few thoughts about her experience. I expected a paragraph. Instead, she gave me a gift. These are the words I come back to on the hard days. I hope they encourage another parent who feels exhausted, discouraged, or unsure where to begin.
“Dear Ms. Kayla,
When I first met you, I honestly had no idea what play therapy was. I thought it was simply playing with toys. Looking back now, I realize how much more it truly is and how much it has changed both my son and me.
Through play therapy, I have learned that children communicate through play. It has helped me understand my son’s emotions, behaviors, and needs in ways I never knew before. More importantly, it has helped me strengthen my relationship with him by meeting him where he is and connecting with him in a way that makes him feel seen, heard, and understood.
One of the biggest lessons I learned from you was the importance of getting on my child’s level, making eye contact, and being fully present while communicating with him. I also learned the difference between self-regulation and co-regulation and how essential those skills are in helping a child with ADHD learn to manage big emotions.
Our daily 15-minute special playtime has become one of the highlights of our day. It has given us dedicated time to connect, and it has become something my son truly looks forward to. Watching our bond grow through something so simple has been one of the greatest gifts.
As a parent of a five-year-old with ADHD, you also helped me realize that, without meaning to, I was sometimes contributing to our struggles. Instead of carrying guilt, you taught me that the repair after a difficult moment is more important than the mistake itself. That lesson alone has changed the way I parent.
You also taught me that emotions are not “good” or “bad”—they simply exist, and they come in all shapes and sizes. Allowing my son to express those emotions in a safe, accepting environment has helped both of us grow.
Because of everything you’ve taught me, I have become a more patient, understanding, and confident mother. I feel better equipped to support my son, especially as he navigates life with ADHD. The tools and knowledge you’ve given our family will continue to make a difference long after our time in play therapy.
Thank you for your kindness, your patience, and for believing in both my son and me. Your support has made a lasting impact on our family, and I will always be grateful for everything you’ve done.”
If you're reading this because parenting feels harder than you expected, I hope you hear this: You don't have to become a perfect parent. You don't have to memorize every parenting book or keep up with every expert on social media.
Children don't need perfection.
They need a parent who is willing to slow down, stay curious, repair when things go sideways, and keep showing up.
That parent can absolutely be you.
About the Author: Kayla Falgout is a Licensed Professional Counselor at The Authenticity Center. She incorporates creative therapies that have an emphasis on feeling, when talking might be difficult. She also does somatic (body) work and sandtray, which all her adult clients love too. She has the coolest comfortable vintage vibe, and all the counselors love her office. She lives in Lafayette, LA with her partner (also a counselor) Deb.
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