"Fall" may be a harsh word, but stick with me for a sec.
It's kind of like the moment you realize your parents are just people, and you see them in a more realistic light of doing life as first timers, just like everyone else. A veil is lifted or the pedestal drops and suddenly you see them as more fallible. Less perfect. More... human.
A similar jarring, life altering, unsettling experience can happen when your mentor, role model or idol, does something that could be perceived as a fall from grace. This moment can shed a new, more realistic light on them.

This was my experience this past summer with the woman who changed my life and truly helped me establish my professional identity as a counselor and a servant in the helping profession, Brené Brown.
To be honest, I’m not sure where to begin. At the beginning? Or at the fall?
Imagine meeting someone who wrote that favorite book that changed your life. Or someone you’ve followed for years listening to every podcast or reading every blog. Now imagine them doing something that falls out of the scope of where you fell in love with them. THIS is where I found myself.
Maybe they no longer provide the same experience or maybe they’re on their own journey of evolving. No matter the reason, suddenly you find that where they are now no longer jives with you and your unique evolution.
Like when Taylor became a tortured poet, or when Beyoncé went and gone country!
What I've experienced and witnessed is when the people we have looked up to for so long become different people, we can get critical, angry, disillusioned and disappointed in them as individuals.
The Beginning
This summer, after navigating her own personal and tumultuous couple of years, Brené Brown made an announcement to her facilitator communities (Daring Way™ and Dare to Lead™). She had been open about her experiences, including walking through her mother’s final season with dementia, developing her personal brand and podcasts, and facing challenges on social media. She also shared struggles, such as a crisis of faith, that she had been working through.
Throughout it all, she remained vulnerable and transparent with her followers. She then announced to her certified Daring facilitators that she had been in discussions and decision mode about what would be the next season for her, her company, her programming, and us, her certified facilitators.

She admitted that she and her organization didn’t have the resources, such as time, energy, money, desire, to scale these programs of “Daring Greatly™” and “Dare to Lead™” the way that they should be.
She needed to find a situation that could maintain the integrity of the research and work that was being done. She looked for an entity that would have the resources to continue to scale it and grow it as it is naturally inclined to do.
She had done her research, processed with her own people, and had come to the decision to transition her intellectual property to the coaching platform BetterUp. BetterUp fit the bill.
There would be some hoops to jump through and boxes to check, but she expressed that she felt like she had found the best option for that transition for the future clients served under this curriculum, for the curriculum itself, and for us as the practitioners.
I should clarify here that the facilitators include counselors, coaches, clergy; basically a spectrum of professionals doing a variety of her work.
She had done the work to ensure the option was there for us to continue, under the tutelage, standards, leadership, and scaffolding of BetterUp.
However, this also left the situation of the whole community losing the certification we had held for 10 years, and without the curriculums we had developed our services around, built our own lives on, and worked hard to impact the lives of others.
So this summer, as a collective, “we” lost our ever-lovin’ minds!!!!
The Fall

As the facilitator community, we experienced the FULL spectrum of reactions and responses.
Fear… what does this mean for our professional identity?
Anger… how could she do this to us who have been loyal for so long?
Curiosity … what new opportunities will be developing for us?
Anxiety…. how will we work with clients without the curriculum?
Sadness, resentment, disappointment, more fear, more questions, more uncertainty.....🥺😫
That could have been it. There it is. Now deal.
But she called us back to the conversation table.
She didn’t have more info or answers for us. She wanted to know what was going on with us. She wanted to hear the anger and fears. She wanted to understand. And not just so that she could fix it. Some of the concerns, she just wasn’t able to fix, yet or at all.
She was willing to stay engaged with us, and try for mutually beneficial outcomes.
She asked us to remain curious before critical. Trusting before fearful. And all of it was vulnerable.
We were basically in a position to DO THE WORK we teach our clients, in order to have healthy, authentic, trusting relationships. Not out of perfection, but of standing our mutual sacred grounds, allowing that for the other person, and not reacting from the first wave of emotional triggers.
Sincerely, this has not been easy.
I feared for my professional identity, as if her credential was the only thing of value I had.
I got anxious wondering how I would differentiate myself in a sea of professionals.
I disconnected myself from some of the community; partially because I didn’t have answers, not for them or myself. Some I chose distance out of my own disappointment about their reactions. Especially the ones that accused her of being deceitful, untrustworthy, or neglectful.
You see, even though Brené’s actions shook my foundation for a spell, the one core principle of living out her work is owning the right to live out our authentic choices, and thus allowing the authentic choices of another human being.
She was doing what was best and true for her, whether I understood, agreed, or accepted it. I live that for myself as well.
and if I'm gonna live that for myself, I need to allow that space and grace for others. Especially to the one who taught it to me.
What I Know, What I Learned, Takeaways
What I Know for Sure: Here's the deal, everyone has the right to make their own authentic choices. This includes Brené, making her decisions about her business, and it includes everyone in our community who chooses to stay or walk away. We’re all entitled to choose what’s right for us, no judgment. That’s the truth I’m grounded in.

What I Learned: This whole experience has been a lesson in how hard personal work can be. It's one thing to say, “I want to be healthy - physically, mentally, emotionally.” But when it comes down to it, doing the work of curiosity, vulnerability, forgiveness, tolerance, boundaries, and communication? That’s tough. It’s a choice, not something you either have or don’t have. These are skills we can practice, or not. And doing the hard work to heal relationships?
It’s tough, but if we decide a relationship is worth it, we can choose to put in the effort.
The Lessons & Takeaways: If we want trust to be rebuilt after it’s damaged, we have to give the other person the space and time to rebuild it. We can’t keep bringing up the past and expecting them to meet our trust expectations. It’s not about feelings, but actions…trust is built through repeatable behaviors. Are they respecting our boundaries? Are they reliable? Accountable? Do they act with integrity? These are the behaviors we need to look for, and we have to let people show us those behaviors.
It also asks the question: Is this relationship worth the effort? Is it worth putting in the time and space to rebuild it? To do that, we need to trust ourselves first and build our resilience by holding on to our values, setting boundaries, and getting support. Those are the skills we need to weather the storm and come out stronger.
This whole summer has been a professional mess for the Daring Way™ community, and we’re still in it.
But personally? I believe this relationship is worth the work. So I’m committing to do the hard work of vulnerability, curiosity, staying connected, communicating with boundaries, and keeping my integrity intact. It’s a choice, and I think it’s worth it.
One final thought, friends. Relationships don’t have to be defined by the wounds we’ve caused. Healing happens within relationships, too. We get to choose which relationships are worth engaging in for that healing to happen.
So, for this one, I’m here for it. Brené circled back, and that action put some marbles back in the trust jar.
Let the healing begin.

Post note, or is Postscript? Not sure of the correct term. I write but I'm not a writer so... Just adding a last thought after getting all these thoughts out.
I/we are still in the messy middle of this situation. I debated on waiting to share anything until there was resolution, but sometimes the best lessons are learning how resilient you ARE and can be WHILE the hard thing is happening.
I'll keep you updated, but meanwhile, take gentle care of yourself in any of your hard things. Keep moving forward. Reach out for your kind of support.
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